It was the start of summer when we rocked up, unscheduled, to a small cafe in a seaside suburb.

The kind of stop you make without thinking, but end up remembering. From our table we looked out and were quietly stirred by the beauty of what was unfolding.

Kids bolted about barefoot and sun-flushed, shrieking with the kind of joy that only school holidays can deliver.

A slightly frazzled line formed at the Mr Whippy van, eyes locked on soft-serve dreams. Couples canoodled in the shallows, saltwater and affection sloshing together.

A bloke waded after his drifting tinny, determination written all over him.

Nearby, a couple danced samba in the sand in their swimmers, not a care in the world.

At the counter, a child earnestly attempted to order a milkshake from the cafe owner, whose thick French accent only added to the charm, both of them doing their best to meet somewhere in the middle.

And there it was too, a quieter, deeper story of Australia today.

The kind embodied by people like Ahmed Al Ahmed: care offered without fanfare, courage lived out in ordinary moments (that shows up in extraordinary moments too if we’ve nourished it), belonging forged not by where you’re from, but by how you show up for others. Different accents, different stories, one shared shore.

“This is beautiful,” I muttered, half to myself.

“Yeah,” my friend said. “It’s what Australia’s all about. Imagine if it was always this peaceful, this calm.”

“It can be,” I said — before my mind had time to catch up with my heart.

As we approach the Australia Day public holiday, we are reflecting on the question: Why does this day stir so much in so many of us?

The day brings up different emotions for different people; pride, tension, gratitude, grief, anger, confusion, reflection, and sometimes all of these at once.

Because meaning creates emotion.

And when something holds deep, layered meaning, it naturally invites a wide range of feelings. All of them are valid.

Our response to this day is shaped by who we are and how we arrived here. Things like whether we were born on this land, came here by choice or necessity, carry ancestral connection, are visiting, or belong to different generations with different lenses on history. Our lived experience informs our emotional truth.

The science reminds us that connection grows when we allow emotions to be named, felt and respected (rather than judged or dismissed).

When we make space for multiple emotions to coexist, we strengthen empathy, social connection and collective understanding.

On this one day, it is possible to celebrate, to reflect, to grieve and to honour, without cancelling one another out. By listening with patience and respect, we open ourselves to hearing another story, and in doing so, deepen our shared humanity.

In holding space for all of these perspectives, we don’t weaken our sense of community; we grow it.

So how can we navigate this public holiday better this year when some of us will be throwing another snag on the barbie and others will go to work in gentle protest and demonstration of our values?

1. Begin by pausing, not positioning.

Moments like this invite us to slow down, listen more deeply, and stay connected even when our views differ. Rather than rushing to agreement or avoidance, we can choose curiosity, compassion, and respect, creating space for conversations that honour both individual experiences and our shared humanity. Before we speak, let’s take a moment to notice our own emotions and assumptions. A moment of self-awareness creates room for calmer, more meaningful conversations.

2. Let listening be an act of care.

For many, this public holiday is an opportunity to pause to acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of this land, their enduring connection to Country, and the deep cultural, spiritual and historical significance that continues today. Many people will be reflecting and also acknowledging the truth of the cost at which this nation was built, and the pain that remains for many Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. Holding both reflection and hope, we are invited to listen, to learn, and to walk together with humility, respect and care and shared belonging.

When we truly listen (without rehearsing a reply) we support one of the deepest human needs: to be seen and understood. That alone can ease tension and build trust.

3. Look beneath the view to the value.

Different perspectives on the Australia Day public holiday are shaped by lived experience, particularly for many Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, for whom this date carries deep and ongoing pain because of events that happened in the past and the consequences of those events on today. When we take time to listen, not just to opinions but to the values beneath them (belonging, culture, justice, truth, safety, dignity and pride) we begin to see one another more clearly. The past cannot be altered, but in that deeper listening, common ground becomes possible, along with the humility, respect and care needed to walk forward together.

4. Allow multiple realities to coexist.

A dear friend (and Aboriginal woman) recently said, “For me this day, I like to acknowledge many Indigenous people (and non Indigenous people) prefer not to celebrate it and also acknowledge everyone has a different background and life story. “

This is one person’s view and there are many other views that deserve respect so it’s important to be flexible with our thinking.

Wellbeing research highlights psychological flexibility: the ability to hold complexity without rushing to resolve it. Celebration and grief can share the same space, even when it feels uncomfortable.

5. Choose connection over conclusion.

Not every conversation needs to end in agreement. Sometimes the most wellbeing-enhancing outcome is leaving with greater compassion, humility, and care for one another.

On 26 January, as we pause on a day that holds different meanings for different people, you might choose to reflect on what is good in your own life while calling Australia home.

The science is clear: practising gratitude can support our wellbeing and help us feel steadier and more hopeful, even when the story is complex and far from perfect. And let’s do what Aussies do best on this day by honouring ‘Aussie mateship’; that unshakeable commitment to stand shoulder to shoulder no matter your story, background or belief showing up with courage, generosity and a fierce belief that everyone deserves a fair go. And let’s raise a glass to Ahmed Al Ahmed a true Aussie hero who embodies what we love about what it is to be ‘an Aussie’.

This article was published on the Herald Sun: read it here.